Falling ch. 6

A/N: If you didn’t know already, well let me tell you, Sookie and Eric are two very, very stubborn individuals – as am I. They don’t play fair or nice and the three of us had a few arguments during the development of this chapter. However, I think we reached an understanding in the end.

Txone, my wonderful beta, thank you for your kind words and patience.

I own nothing. Ms. Harris own all the characters, I just hope she doesn’t mind that I borrow them from time to time.

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Chapter 6

I think I know the mechanics of vampire sleep better now.

I didn’t know what time it was when I woke up. I had expected to wake up feeling Eric’s cool body next to mine, instead I felt comfortably warm. I had expected to wake up in a sunlit room, but instead it was dark and filled with the same jasmine scented night air I had smelt the night before.

I assumed I was in Eric’s bedroom so the darkened room made sense. He probably had light proof windows installed in all the rooms.

I rolled over on my side and turned on the lamp. There was a sting of pain in my heart when I noticed Eric wasn’t there. Noticing I was wrapped, snug as a bug, in Gran’s old afghan, I curled back under the covers. My mind drifted back to last night – Eric had bathed me, fed me and held me as I cried myself to sleep. He had done everything he possibly could to take care of me, and all I had done was to push him away…It hit me like a ton of bricks – all I had done was push him away…and burnt his face with silver. Vomit crept up my oesophagus. I bolted out of the room and into the bedroom fast enough before I spilled the minimal contents of my stomach.

After a few minutes I had regained enough composure to stand up. I turned towards the bedroom, only to see Eric standing in the doorway. I couldn’t read his face – it was blank, almost like the void I register from the vampires’ minds…why didn’t I register the void from Eric? I couldn’t look at him, so I stomped over to the door and slammed it in his face. I slumped down on the floor, my back against the door. There was a single loud thud as if Eric had pounded his fist against the door and then nothing.

Closing my eyes, I rested me head on my knees. Flashes of me burning his face emerged behind my eyelids. I growled in frustration, got up and discarded my pyjamas. Deciding to take a shower, I hoped the warm water would have a soothing effect like the night before.

The water washed over my body, yet the tension wasn’t subsiding. The images of Eric’s face came back with a vengeance, I could even smell it.

I gave up on the notion of relaxing, and got out of the shower, quickly drying the water off. Since I hadn’t brought my clothes, I wrapped myself in a towel. I found a toothbrush and some toothpaste next to the sink, and brushed my teeth twice for good measure.

Approaching the door, I stopped to take a few cleansing breaths before I re-entered the bedroom. I hoped Eric wouldn’t be there, but I knew I had to face him sooner or later, I just wasn’t ready yet.

Eric wasn’t there…thank God. I didn’t have any clean clothes or if I did, I didn’t know where they were and I didn’t recall Eric bringing anything from my house. I went ahead and put on my clothes from the day before.

The lamp on the bedside table was still the only light on in the room. I couldn’t bring myself to turn on more light. Eric had brought me to his house, which I’m sure nobody but a few selected and trusted people knew the location of. I didn’t want to go snooping around without his permission I was content with the darkness for now. As my eyes adjusted to the darkness, I noticed a set of French doors identical to the ones in the bathroom, and they were opened, allowing a faint light from the moon into the room. However, it wasn’t enough for me to see anything except for the bed, which was huge.

Turns out I was right. I don’t know what I’d imagined the back of Eric’s house and property would look like, but this was far beyond anything I could ever have come up with – it was breathtaking. The entire second floor of the back façade of the house was wrapped in a large, black marble balcony complete with black iron railing. The garden, or park would probably be a better word for it, was covered with a lush green lawn, which from the light of the full moon looked like silver…silver…I…I burned his face…

I couldn’t deal with anymore images of what happened. I ran back into the bedroom, out the door and down the stairs. I didn’t know where I was going, but I just needed to get out of the house. It felt as if the walls were closing in on me, suffocating me. I ran through room after room, before I finally made it to the kitchen. Eric was standing behind the kitchen island reading a newspaper, but I didn’t stop. There was a door at the back of the room I hoped led out to the garden, to my luck it did.

From the balcony I’d seen there was a vast lake at the bottom of the park; it was my goal. I sprinted as fast as my legs would carry me and finally made it to the edge of the lake. I stood there, looking out over the water breathing heavily. What the hell was wrong with me? What could possibly have possessed me to do such a thing?

I didn’t hear Eric come up behind me, even though the Bond was closed from both our sides, I knew he was there.

“The lake is beautiful.” I said.

I didn’t turn around to look at him – I couldn’t. The thought of looking into his beautiful face, knowing what I had done, was enough to make me fall apart all over again. I wasn’t going to allow myself to do that again, not at that point at least.

I hadn’t spoken a word since the night before at the house. I wanted to come up with something more meaningful than commenting on the scenery, but how do you relate the disgust you feel for yourself? I’d hurt Eric gruesomely. Yes, he’d hurt me too. Yes, he’d used me. But he was also the one person who had done everything for me in the past, as well as the present and I couldn’t even muster up the strength to look him in the eyes.

Neither of us spoke for what seemed like hours. The silence was overpowering and ear deafening. I had wanted the silence. I had wanted to go deaf and mute so I wouldn’t have to hear what my friends, if they even were that anymore, and my family had to say. I wanted my voice to be taken away so I wouldn’t have to relay over and over again what had happened, why I did what I did. Most of all, I wanted it to be gone so I wouldn’t have to speak to Eric again. But the silence was burning a hole through me. If Eric didn’t want to speak that would be okay, but I needed to.

“I…I hurt you. I burned your face. I burned your face with silver.” The tears I had hoped would say away, started to well up in the corner of my eyes, trickling down my cheeks.

“I heal fast,” was all Eric said. But he did say something, which, to tell the truth was a relief. I didn’t know if it was just a statement or if he, for some reason unknown to me, didn’t think my actions were as serious as I made them to be in my head.

I killed Debbie Pelt, something I had to live with every day for the rest of my life and I had made peace with that. There would be no physical evidence of what I had done to Eric, but having to look him in the face for whatever time we might have together with the knowledge of what I had done made my heart break all over again. I didn’t expect anything from him, but I needed him to know I was sorry. Truthfully, I didn’t think anything could make up for it. For the first time in weeks, I was resolved to have this out one way or another. I took a deep breath and tried to prepare for whatever would happen next.

“I used one of your few weaknesses against you. It’s unforgivable.”

“I forgave you the second you did it.” He said with a low indifferent sounding tone. The über-vamp was back it seemed.

I couldn’t believe what he just said; maybe I had gone insane. How could he be so blasé about it? The tears stopped abruptly and the same kind of rage that had made me burn his face in the first place, was slowly building up inside of me again. I spun around to look at him. His posture looked as indifferent as his voice sounded; hands shoved into the pockets of his jeans, his shoulder and back rigid. If he hadn’t spoken seconds before, I would have thought his was in his vampire down time. His face and eyes were expressionless. If he wasn’t a vampire, I don’t think he would have registered I was looking at him, but being the vampire Eric is, I’m sure he didn’t miss a beat. Yet, he didn’t look at me.

“Look at me!” I yelled. “Look at me, Eric!”

He slowly lowered his gaze to meet my eyes. I almost took a step back in surprise. His eyes were hard as stone and nearly black. Well, I wasn’t going to let him go all superior on me again.

“How can you forgive me for something like that? I can’t even forgive myself for what I’ve done. Had I been any other person you would have killed me on the spot! You didn’t do anything. The Eric I know, or knew, wouldn’t have stood by for anything like that!” I spat.

“Sookie, you were not yourself. You are not yourself.” He uttered with the same indifferent voice.

“Well whoop-de-do, did you just figure that out now Mr. High-And-Mighty? You deserve a prize – Vamp of the Year maybe. Did you not hear anything I said at all last night? Did you not hear what I told you weeks ago? Everything is falling apart! You’re damn straight I’m not myself! The old Sookie is dead and gone! I don’t know who I am anymore!” I vented.

I wouldn’t have been surprised at all if smoke was coming out of my ears and I was breathing fire. It took every ounce of restraint I had not to throw myself at him and beat the hell out of him, not that it would do any good and I would probably end up in the hospital again if I did.

Then Eric did something completely unexpected; he smiled. It was the most sincere and genuine smile I’d ever seen form on his lips, the smile even reach his eyes. He put a hand on each of my shoulders and looked directly into my eyes.

“Maybe it is time we found the real Sookie then?” He said softly.

Eric Northman you sly bastard.

“Eric Northman, you manipulative, devious über-vamp! Did you just pretend to be completely nonchalant to get me to…I don’t know?” I was half snorting with contempt and half laughing. I swear Eric’s mood swings were worse than mine.

Eric roared with laughter; it was the single most magnificent sound I had heard for weeks.

“Really Sookie, ‘über-vamp’? I like that.” He raised an eyebrow and continued to laugh.

I couldn’t help laughing a little myself, it was really very liberating. But I still needed some answers.

“Why did you forgive me?”

Eric removed his hands from my shoulders and cupped my face, slowly leaning forward and placed his lips close to my ear.

“Because I love you,” he whispered softly, moving his lips to my forehead and kissed it.

The cat was out of the bag now; yet again I was unable to speak and tears were running down my face. Eric brushed his thumbs across my cheeks to remove the salty liquid and smiled.

“Come, I think it is about high time I showed you my home. Pam is on her way with some fresh clothes and food for you.”

I froze. Oh no not Pam, I was such a bitch to her. She’s probably going to drain me dry when she sees me. Eric sensed my uneasiness.

“Sookie, it’s going to be fine. It seems you do not remember what my child told you last night; she is your friend. It is going to be fine.” He scooped me up in his arms and was about to take off flying towards the house.

“Eric, stop…I mean do you think we could walk back to the house. You could start by showing me the garden.” Eric put me down, laced his fingers through mine and we walked towards the house.

I had no idea what was going to happen from this point on, but somehow it felt as if a huge stone had been lifted from my shoulders. Nothing was ever going to be the same again, but for now that was alright. Figuring out how to move on from here was going to be hard, scary and confusing, but I wasn’t alone.

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A/N: So there, just a teeny tiny bit more from the angst department. So what do you think? I am now a full-blown review addict and I’m proud of it! Review, and you shall be rewarded.

Falling ch. 5

A/N: Sorry it took so long for me to update, but it’s been a crazy few weeks. I want to take the opportunity to thank everybody for the great reviews – I didn’t expect people would enjoy my story.

As always I don’t own anything. Charlaine Harris created these wonderful characters, I just play tricks with them.

Chapter 5

I don’t know how long we sat on the floor. Eric kept rocking me in his arms, stroking my hair. The tears wouldn’t stop. My entire body was shaking from exhaustion and shock - Eric had broken down all my barriers. I wanted to leave, just leaving everything behind, but I couldn’t. First of all, it was physically impossible to move my body in the state I was in. Secondly, Eric had just shown me everything he felt; he loved me. At this point I couldn’t recollect why I had ever doubted him.

Why hadn’t he told me before or at least given me the smallest indication of his feelings? Why did he wait until I’d done everything possible to push him away, only to reel me back in and shatter my existence? How could he participate in taking everything away from me, only to give it back at this very moment…?

I couldn’t think anymore. My thoughts were becoming incoherent. A new wave of tears washed over me – Eric held me tighter and let love seep through the Bond.

“No, please!” I wailed. “I can’t take anymore!”

Eric let out a silent sigh and closed the Bond again, but never once did he let go of me or stop trying to soothe me with his touch.

At some point he lifted us off of the floor and I clung to him, afraid he was going to let go of me. As much as I had tried to push him out of my life, his embrace was the only thing keeping me from falling into the dark oblivion that I, a mere few hours ago, had sought and thought of as my only solace and salvation.

Instead of letting go of me, he held me tighter. Taking Gran’s old afghan from the couch, he cradled me in it as if I was the most treasured thing on this Earth.

He walked, carrying me in his arms, out of my house and within a few seconds we were airborne.

Time passed differently when we were flying; perhaps I even fell asleep for a while. I felt us slowly descending and eventually touch ground. I stirred around in Eric’s arms trying to figure out where we were, but his arms shielded my face so I wasn’t able to see. I suppose he felt my uneasiness.

“My house,” he whispered softly.

I thought maybe he had taken us to Fangtasia or even some hotel that catered to vampires’ needs, but not in a million years would I have thought he would take me to his house. Vampires are very protective of their resting places – all in all it’s the only place where they are most safe and at the same time the most vulnerable. If Eric trusted me enough to take me to his house, then I had to show him the same courtesy and trust him to take care of me.

As much as I hated depending on others, I guess Tara was right – I had to let him take care of me. I had to swallow my pride and control.

I didn’t know how to let go without fear of falling all over again.

He carried me inside. The house seemed impossibly large, but I still couldn’t see anything. He continued up a flight of stairs, and down a long hallway, before stopping in front of a pair of double doors. Shifting my body so he was holding me in one of his arms, he opened the door and carried me into the dark room.

Eric walked across the room and lay me down on what I assumed to be a bed and sat next to me – the bedspread was cold to the touch and made me shiver. He leaned over and turned on a lamp on the night stand. In all the time that had passed since the intervention at the house, I still hadn’t looked him in the eyes. I couldn’t, I felt so ashamed.

I wish I could say something to him, tell him I wanted him to make things better. I wish I could open the Bond and let him in again, but I couldn’t. Everything still hurt so much, and I didn’t think I would survive another fall.

Eric brushed a stay hair from my forehead and cupped my face as he trailed his hand down my face. He let his hand linger for a moment before he got up and walked towards another set of doors to the right of the bed.

Eric didn’t turn on a light in the other room as he entered, of course he didn’t need to, but the darkness made me uneasy. Then I heard his voice, he was speaking to somebody on the phone. The conversation was over too fast for me to make out anything that was said.

After a while, I saw a faint gleam of light emerge from the room and then the sound of water running. I crawled off the bed and walked to the doors. Even though the doors were partially open, I didn’t want to just barge in and interrupt him, so I knocked before I entered. The bathroom was magnificent. The light I had seen from the bedroom came from an abundance of white candles placed strategically around the room. Their soft light made the black marble that covered the entire room shimmer like millions of diamonds.

To the right of the door there was a double vanity made of the same marble as the rest of the room. The corner furthest from the doors was made into a huge frosted glass enclosed shower with room enough for five people. The west facing wall was made up entirely of mahogany French doors, which were open to the night air. In the middle of the room there was an infinity tub, slightly embedded into the floor. Eric was kneeling on the floor pouring scented bath oil into the water.

I inhaled deeply…lavender. There was a light breeze, fragrant with night flowering jasmine, flowing into the room through the open doors.

I don’t know how long I had been standing in the doorway before Eric stood up and came towards me. As he stood before me, he placed his hands on either side of my arms, gently rubbing them and placed a kiss on top of my head. He let his hands trail down my sides and started to undress me, removing my shirt first. Then my jeans, lightly lifting each foot so he could remove them completely. Lastly, he removed my underwear. There was no reason to feel bashful; he had seen me naked several times before. Yet, I couldn’t help feeling slightly uncomfortable, not because of my exposed skin, but because he had now eradicated everything for me to hide behind. Every single thing I had control over was now gone and Eric was the only one there to help me regain my old self, and I let him.

He carried me over to the tub and placed me into the warm water. Kneeling down beside the tub, he proceeded to wash me with a bath sponge. He started with my shoulders and arms, before moving to my stomach and legs. I leaned forward when he motioned to me so he could wash my back. He finished by washing my hair. There was nothing sexual in his action; he simply took it upon himself to care for me.

After he had finished me hair, I leaned back, closing my eyes and let the calming effect of the water take over. I felt him rise and leave the room. It could have been minutes or hours before he returned, but it didn’t matter. He held out a hand to help me out of the tub, wrapped me in a large white fluffy towel and looked over to a chaise, where he had left a cream coloured flannel pyjama set and then left the bathroom again. I got dressed, dried out my hair and walked in to the bedroom.

Eric was sitting on the edge of the bed, elbows on his knees and resting his head in hands. On the bedside table there was a plate with a sandwich and a glass of milk. Apparently the call he had made earlier was to Pam or one of his other people, who had come by with food and clothes for me while we were in the bathroom.

I sat down next to him and started eating. After I’d finished my meal, I placed the plate and glass back on the table. We just sat there for a while. Neither of us had said anything to each other since we got to his house.

Eric took my hands in his, pulled me off the bed and turned down the covers. I lay down on the bed, and Eric tucked the covers tightly around me, and then bent down to kiss my forehead. He rose to his full height again and made to turn around.

I knew if I spoke, whatever came out of my mouth wouldn’t make sense, but I didn’t want him to leave. I grabbed his hand and held it tight. He looked down at our entwined hands and nodded. He got undressed and slipped into the bed on the other side. I turned around, facing him and finally looked into his eyes.

I had never seen Eric tired before. Vampires don’t get tired like humans do, but that was what he looked like, completely exhausted. I put his arm around my waist and pulled myself into his chest. Somehow our bodies had always fit perfectly together, something I had taken for granted the entire time I’d known him.

He nuzzled his face into my hair, taking slow and deliberate breaths.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered into my ear.

That night I cried myself to sleep in his arms.