A/N: If you didn’t know already, well let me tell you, Sookie and Eric are two very, very stubborn individuals – as am I. They don’t play fair or nice and the three of us had a few arguments during the development of this chapter. However, I think we reached an understanding in the end.
Txone, my wonderful beta, thank you for your kind words and patience.
I own nothing. Ms. Harris own all the characters, I just hope she doesn’t mind that I borrow them from time to time.
Chapter 6
I think I know the mechanics of vampire sleep better now.
I didn’t know what time it was when I woke up. I had expected to wake up feeling Eric’s cool body next to mine, instead I felt comfortably warm. I had expected to wake up in a sunlit room, but instead it was dark and filled with the same jasmine scented night air I had smelt the night before.
I assumed I was in Eric’s bedroom so the darkened room made sense. He probably had light proof windows installed in all the rooms.
I rolled over on my side and turned on the lamp. There was a sting of pain in my heart when I noticed Eric wasn’t there. Noticing I was wrapped, snug as a bug, in Gran’s old afghan, I curled back under the covers. My mind drifted back to last night – Eric had bathed me, fed me and held me as I cried myself to sleep. He had done everything he possibly could to take care of me, and all I had done was to push him away…It hit me like a ton of bricks – all I had done was push him away…and burnt his face with silver. Vomit crept up my oesophagus. I bolted out of the room and into the bedroom fast enough before I spilled the minimal contents of my stomach.
After a few minutes I had regained enough composure to stand up. I turned towards the bedroom, only to see Eric standing in the doorway. I couldn’t read his face – it was blank, almost like the void I register from the vampires’ minds…why didn’t I register the void from Eric? I couldn’t look at him, so I stomped over to the door and slammed it in his face. I slumped down on the floor, my back against the door. There was a single loud thud as if Eric had pounded his fist against the door and then nothing.
Closing my eyes, I rested me head on my knees. Flashes of me burning his face emerged behind my eyelids. I growled in frustration, got up and discarded my pyjamas. Deciding to take a shower, I hoped the warm water would have a soothing effect like the night before.
The water washed over my body, yet the tension wasn’t subsiding. The images of Eric’s face came back with a vengeance, I could even smell it.
I gave up on the notion of relaxing, and got out of the shower, quickly drying the water off. Since I hadn’t brought my clothes, I wrapped myself in a towel. I found a toothbrush and some toothpaste next to the sink, and brushed my teeth twice for good measure.
Approaching the door, I stopped to take a few cleansing breaths before I re-entered the bedroom. I hoped Eric wouldn’t be there, but I knew I had to face him sooner or later, I just wasn’t ready yet.
Eric wasn’t there…thank God. I didn’t have any clean clothes or if I did, I didn’t know where they were and I didn’t recall Eric bringing anything from my house. I went ahead and put on my clothes from the day before.
The lamp on the bedside table was still the only light on in the room. I couldn’t bring myself to turn on more light. Eric had brought me to his house, which I’m sure nobody but a few selected and trusted people knew the location of. I didn’t want to go snooping around without his permission I was content with the darkness for now. As my eyes adjusted to the darkness, I noticed a set of French doors identical to the ones in the bathroom, and they were opened, allowing a faint light from the moon into the room. However, it wasn’t enough for me to see anything except for the bed, which was huge.
Turns out I was right. I don’t know what I’d imagined the back of Eric’s house and property would look like, but this was far beyond anything I could ever have come up with – it was breathtaking. The entire second floor of the back façade of the house was wrapped in a large, black marble balcony complete with black iron railing. The garden, or park would probably be a better word for it, was covered with a lush green lawn, which from the light of the full moon looked like silver…silver…I…I burned his face…
I couldn’t deal with anymore images of what happened. I ran back into the bedroom, out the door and down the stairs. I didn’t know where I was going, but I just needed to get out of the house. It felt as if the walls were closing in on me, suffocating me. I ran through room after room, before I finally made it to the kitchen. Eric was standing behind the kitchen island reading a newspaper, but I didn’t stop. There was a door at the back of the room I hoped led out to the garden, to my luck it did.
From the balcony I’d seen there was a vast lake at the bottom of the park; it was my goal. I sprinted as fast as my legs would carry me and finally made it to the edge of the lake. I stood there, looking out over the water breathing heavily. What the hell was wrong with me? What could possibly have possessed me to do such a thing?
I didn’t hear Eric come up behind me, even though the Bond was closed from both our sides, I knew he was there.
“The lake is beautiful.” I said.
I didn’t turn around to look at him – I couldn’t. The thought of looking into his beautiful face, knowing what I had done, was enough to make me fall apart all over again. I wasn’t going to allow myself to do that again, not at that point at least.
I hadn’t spoken a word since the night before at the house. I wanted to come up with something more meaningful than commenting on the scenery, but how do you relate the disgust you feel for yourself? I’d hurt Eric gruesomely. Yes, he’d hurt me too. Yes, he’d used me. But he was also the one person who had done everything for me in the past, as well as the present and I couldn’t even muster up the strength to look him in the eyes.
Neither of us spoke for what seemed like hours. The silence was overpowering and ear deafening. I had wanted the silence. I had wanted to go deaf and mute so I wouldn’t have to hear what my friends, if they even were that anymore, and my family had to say. I wanted my voice to be taken away so I wouldn’t have to relay over and over again what had happened, why I did what I did. Most of all, I wanted it to be gone so I wouldn’t have to speak to Eric again. But the silence was burning a hole through me. If Eric didn’t want to speak that would be okay, but I needed to.
“I…I hurt you. I burned your face. I burned your face with silver.” The tears I had hoped would say away, started to well up in the corner of my eyes, trickling down my cheeks.
“I heal fast,” was all Eric said. But he did say something, which, to tell the truth was a relief. I didn’t know if it was just a statement or if he, for some reason unknown to me, didn’t think my actions were as serious as I made them to be in my head.
I killed Debbie Pelt, something I had to live with every day for the rest of my life and I had made peace with that. There would be no physical evidence of what I had done to Eric, but having to look him in the face for whatever time we might have together with the knowledge of what I had done made my heart break all over again. I didn’t expect anything from him, but I needed him to know I was sorry. Truthfully, I didn’t think anything could make up for it. For the first time in weeks, I was resolved to have this out one way or another. I took a deep breath and tried to prepare for whatever would happen next.
“I used one of your few weaknesses against you. It’s unforgivable.”
“I forgave you the second you did it.” He said with a low indifferent sounding tone. The über-vamp was back it seemed.
I couldn’t believe what he just said; maybe I had gone insane. How could he be so blasé about it? The tears stopped abruptly and the same kind of rage that had made me burn his face in the first place, was slowly building up inside of me again. I spun around to look at him. His posture looked as indifferent as his voice sounded; hands shoved into the pockets of his jeans, his shoulder and back rigid. If he hadn’t spoken seconds before, I would have thought his was in his vampire down time. His face and eyes were expressionless. If he wasn’t a vampire, I don’t think he would have registered I was looking at him, but being the vampire Eric is, I’m sure he didn’t miss a beat. Yet, he didn’t look at me.
“Look at me!” I yelled. “Look at me, Eric!”
He slowly lowered his gaze to meet my eyes. I almost took a step back in surprise. His eyes were hard as stone and nearly black. Well, I wasn’t going to let him go all superior on me again.
“How can you forgive me for something like that? I can’t even forgive myself for what I’ve done. Had I been any other person you would have killed me on the spot! You didn’t do anything. The Eric I know, or knew, wouldn’t have stood by for anything like that!” I spat.
“Sookie, you were not yourself. You are not yourself.” He uttered with the same indifferent voice.
“Well whoop-de-do, did you just figure that out now Mr. High-And-Mighty? You deserve a prize – Vamp of the Year maybe. Did you not hear anything I said at all last night? Did you not hear what I told you weeks ago? Everything is falling apart! You’re damn straight I’m not myself! The old Sookie is dead and gone! I don’t know who I am anymore!” I vented.
I wouldn’t have been surprised at all if smoke was coming out of my ears and I was breathing fire. It took every ounce of restraint I had not to throw myself at him and beat the hell out of him, not that it would do any good and I would probably end up in the hospital again if I did.
Then Eric did something completely unexpected; he smiled. It was the most sincere and genuine smile I’d ever seen form on his lips, the smile even reach his eyes. He put a hand on each of my shoulders and looked directly into my eyes.
“Maybe it is time we found the real Sookie then?” He said softly.
Eric Northman you sly bastard.
“Eric Northman, you manipulative, devious über-vamp! Did you just pretend to be completely nonchalant to get me to…I don’t know?” I was half snorting with contempt and half laughing. I swear Eric’s mood swings were worse than mine.
Eric roared with laughter; it was the single most magnificent sound I had heard for weeks.
“Really Sookie, ‘über-vamp’? I like that.” He raised an eyebrow and continued to laugh.
I couldn’t help laughing a little myself, it was really very liberating. But I still needed some answers.
“Why did you forgive me?”
Eric removed his hands from my shoulders and cupped my face, slowly leaning forward and placed his lips close to my ear.
“Because I love you,” he whispered softly, moving his lips to my forehead and kissed it.
The cat was out of the bag now; yet again I was unable to speak and tears were running down my face. Eric brushed his thumbs across my cheeks to remove the salty liquid and smiled.
“Come, I think it is about high time I showed you my home. Pam is on her way with some fresh clothes and food for you.”
I froze. Oh no not Pam, I was such a bitch to her. She’s probably going to drain me dry when she sees me. Eric sensed my uneasiness.
“Sookie, it’s going to be fine. It seems you do not remember what my child told you last night; she is your friend. It is going to be fine.” He scooped me up in his arms and was about to take off flying towards the house.
“Eric, stop…I mean do you think we could walk back to the house. You could start by showing me the garden.” Eric put me down, laced his fingers through mine and we walked towards the house.
I had no idea what was going to happen from this point on, but somehow it felt as if a huge stone had been lifted from my shoulders. Nothing was ever going to be the same again, but for now that was alright. Figuring out how to move on from here was going to be hard, scary and confusing, but I wasn’t alone.
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A/N: So there, just a teeny tiny bit more from the angst department. So what do you think? I am now a full-blown review addict and I’m proud of it! Review, and you shall be rewarded.